Ninth page – Session at November 11, 2008
Fuck, it’s like she didn’t even try with this one. 57 words. What about everything else we talked about? I was there for an HOUR after all.
But let’s look at what she did write.
The first section: Extreme negative thought re: not trusting the guy. Well, yeah, I didn’t trust him. He was totally doing that hot/cold, push/pull, might-slip-away-at-any-moment thing. I was only seeing him once every two weeks or so, and in-between times he’d only drop me a few lines in an email. When we met our conversations were fairly impersonal (movies, travel), and all we’d do is have dinner someplace (going dutch) and then go back to my place to have sex. That’s it. That was the whole relationship. It felt exactly like he was stringing me along and using me for sex.
The therapist wrote “new level of intimacy –sexual”. Jesus Christ. I NEVER described sex with this guy as a “new level of intimacy”. It wasn’t. It was just sex. And I think I would know because I was there.
But the therapist had already decided it wasn’t like that so the problem had to be me. That’s the reason for these insane, distorted notes. I think not only did she assume she was correct in her assessment of the situation, I think she also assumed that she was doing great work with me. “Hooray! She bonked the guy! She’s moved past her trust issues! God I’m good.”
In any event, she clearly wasn’t listening to what I was actually saying and she doesn’t seem at all cognizant of her massive lack of knowledge about who this guy really was or what was really going on between us.
Tenth page – Session at November 25, 2008
The story here was that my birthday had come and gone during this time, the guy knew it but didn’t acknowledge it. That was just further evidence to me that this was not shaping up to be a real relationship. I didn’t “fill in the silence” with the thought that “he doesn’t like me”. I frankly acknowledged that he had dropped off the radar – again – because he didn’t give a shit about me either way. It’s not a great feeling, but it is a fact of life that not everyone will like you, even if they are interested in having sex with you.
The birthday thing and the fact that I was bloody miserable already led me to conclude that I had to get out of the situation.
You can imagine how that went over with the therapist. Probably she thought I was regressing or some shit. There is no evidence in her notes that she once contemplated the possibility that yeah, maybe the client is right, it’s just a sex thing and she should end it. No way! The client should TRY HARDER to trust.
E.g. look at the “homework assignment”: for the client to notice evidence of the actual present relationship, rather than the past or imagined.
Thing is, THAT’S WHAT I WAS ALREADY DOING.
Don’t forget, the therapist never learned (never even inquired) about any of my past relationships. To this day she has no idea whether I’ve been married, how many times, how it ended, or what. Her belief that I have trust issues in relationships was entirely her own fabrication.
Another part of the homework assignment was for me to talk to the guy about how I was feeling. (Again, another assumption that the core problem is ME and my trust/communication issues.) This is relevant to understanding the notes for the next session.